Seattle Conditions
Hourly Forecast
3pm
61°
28%
4pm
62°
31%
5pm
61°
28%
6pm
61°
24%
7pm
61°
17%
8pm
59°
20%
9pm
57°
22%
10pm
55°
20%
11pm
54°
17%
12am
53°
18%
1am
52°
19%
2am
51°
19%
3am
51°
21%
4am
50°
32%
5am
50°
40%
6am
50°
44%
7am
49°
40%
8am
50°
42%
9am
51°
53%
10am
53°
57%
11am
53°
53%
12pm
54°
56%
1pm
55°
54%
2pm
56°
62%
This Afternoon
63°
50%
Tonight
48°
40%
Saturday
58°
77%
Saturday Night
47°
58%
Sunday
64°
Sunday Night
51°
35%
Monday
64°
68%
Monday Night
51°
68%
Tuesday
63°
68%
Tuesday Night
50°
64%
Wednesday
63°
34%
Wednesday Night
51°
18%
Thursday
69°
Thursday Night
52°
☼
Sunrise 5:11am · Sunset 9:04pm
☰
Tides: Next: Low -0.6 ft at 2:49 PM
●
AQI 29 — Good
◆
No quakes M4.5+ in last 24h
Seattle Sports
7th in Western Conference Division
LOSS Mercury 72 at Storm 68 Wed, Jun 3
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The Needling
1 day
Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks
As if Seattle’s crazed socialist mayor hadn’t oppressed the city’s car drivers enough already with new bus-only lanes for her Route 8 stretch limo, today Mayor Katie Wilson reminded everyone that “trains-only” train tracks are for trains only, not cars. “I have to admit I thought this was a self-evident, bipartisan issue, but in light […]
The Needling
4 days
Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger
In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello” to a complete stranger. “Out of nowhere, completely unprompted, this guy looks at another guy walking past him and fully said ‘hello’ with a wave and everything—clearly sun-drunk out of his […]
The Needling
7 days
Blue Origin Goes Rogue, Blows Up Another Billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle
For the second night in a row, the team behind Bezos-founded space rocket company Blue Origin has gone rogue by following up their explosion of one billionaire’s launchpad in Florida with the explosion of another billionaire’s Launchpad in Seattle also known as Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht. “Wow, I really thought the orcas, Seafair Pirates, or Dave […]
The Needling
8 days
Orcas Getting a Little Sick and Tired of Being Asked to Solve All Your Billionaire Problems
After yet another week of hearing humans ask them to sink billionaire yachts for them, today local orca pods announced they’re getting a little sick and tired of being asked all the time to do humans’ dirty work for them. “It’s always ‘Hey, take Zuck to Davy Jones Locker this, pop Peter Thiel a 100 […]
The Needling
15 days
Millionaires Tax Payers Assured They Only Need to Cut Back on Lattes to Afford Fifth Home
Future Millionaires Tax payers panicked about how they’re ever going to afford their fifth home if they have to one day pay a 9% tax on all annual income over $1 million were assured today that all they have to do is cut back on a few lattes. “I know times are hard, but just […]
The Needling
16 days
Seattle Mayor Apologizes to Starbucks, Thought It Knew Everyone Here Hated Them Already
After weeks of Starbucks leadership telling every major newspaper in the country how mean Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson’s been to them by publicly not liking them, today she formally apologized saying she thought they knew everyone here including herself hated them already. “I’m so sorry—I honestly thought you already knew,” said Mayor Wilson. “If I […]
The Needling
23 days
Bainbridge Island Adds ‘Everyone Is Welcome Here’ Sign to 90-Foot Wall Keeping Poors Out
In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is Welcome Here” sign to their 90-foot wall that keeps the poors out. “Unlike some neighorhoods out there that won’t welcome all children even if they’re severely ill or injured, we welcome […]
The Needling
30 days
Laurelhurst Airlifted One Mile from Seattle Children’s into Lake Washington
To keep Laurelhurst residents from ever having to hear helicopters transporting sick kids directly to the hospital, today the entire community was airlifted to permanent safety one mile away from Seattle Children’s into Lake Washington. “We take seriously the concerns of Laurelhurst residents worried about what frequent helicopter noises could do to their health and […]